


the world should spin too fast

by karishma



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, I have obsessively used the word 'and', M/M, so sorry in advance, sometimes I wish I could make my works a little longer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:27:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karishma/pseuds/karishma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>niall and louis are maybe an explosion waiting to happen in <em>ten, nine, eight...</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	the world should spin too fast

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off of lang leav's '[rogue planets](http://sinabit.tumblr.com/post/60094438560/langleav-spacekitten2-love-this-poem)'  
> all credit goes to her, and I highly, highly recommend you read her piece before you read this  
> I wish I knew how to just insert a picture of her poem into this fic, but.  
> all mistakes are my own and this story didn't happen in this universe  
> title from the goo goo dolls' 'slow it down'

When Niall was a child he would push his brown hair up and off his forehead and press his nose against the window while counting down from ten. He would imagine something happening at one – a catastrophe of some sort. Some days the stars would combust and some days his parents would divorce and some days the park would catch on fire. When nothing would happen, he would feel relieved, sure. He would back away from the window and wipe off the sticky fog, breathing deeply and slowly and surely.

And there was also a small part of him that maybe felt something like disappointed.

 

When Niall first sees Louis he counts _ten_. He watches Louis' eyes and his small waist and his ski slope nose and waits for the explosion. Niall is sitting on a loveseat at the bookstore and when this boy sits next to him (he's pretty, so pretty) his breath catches a little and the boy smiles and Niall counts _nine_.

His smile is life-shattering and dizzying and healing all at once and it throws Niall off center. There's a part of him that he had thought died when Seamus shouted at him _ain't nothin' but a faggot. Haven't your parents told you? Your kind are freaks!_ in year four. The portion of him that had allowed dreams of big eyes and small children and a too-tiny bed with too many people trying to fill it. But Louis grins slow, like molasses, and Niall can feel it seep into his chest and piece him back together.

 

Louis asks him on a coffee date and then buys Niall tea.

Niall's hands are shaking because this is new and intriguing and terrifying so he spills some of his drink on his sweatpants. Louis throws his head back and snorts like he's been deprived of laughter for a decade.

When Louis walks him to his car he presses his number into Niall's skin and then presses his lips into Niall's. They taste bitter because he takes his tea no sugar, and Niall counts _eight_.

 

Louis invites Niall back to his flat and they watch indie movies with the volume low and he pushes Niall into the couch and pushes into Niall's life and pushes into Niall.

He bends down, folds his body over Niall's until they're pressed skin against skin and shudders into his ear something that's maybe _your eyes are the same color I imagine the sun will be when it dies_. Louis' hands are everywhere and Niall counts _seven_.

 

Niall is making muffins while Louis sleeps. He tiptoes around Louis' kitchen but he doesn't know where everything is yet. When he tries to remove the muffin tray he tips over a kettle and it clangs to the floor. Louis wakes and stumbles into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and wearing nothing but Niall's white jumper. It contrasts with his skin, the hem hanging near his knees, and his hair is fluffy – he looks about four. He takes a look around the room, which is admittedly a mess, and then pulls Niall up from the ground and back to bed.

 _I love you_ he avows into Niall's shoulder, and Niall counts _six_.

_Love you for trying._

 

Louis slams the door to their flat shut and throws his bag on the ground. He's silent when he goes to put the kettle on the stove and his hands are shaking as he gets the green mug with the chipped handle out of the cupboard. Niall is sitting on the couch quietly and watches as Louis spins around the kitchen to find the milk and a spoon and a teabag and tries to crawl out of the room but then–

"Niall! Ni– fuck! Did you use the last teabag?" He screams then, "Niall! Get back in here! Motherfuck, you can't even own up to it!"

Niall is trembling and then nods quietly. He _hasn't_ , he swears (he doesn't even like Yorkshire tea), but that doesn't stop him from uttering a _yeah– yeah, Lou, I'm sorry, I hadn't even realized and, I'm sorry but I think we have another box in the hall closet? Let me go get it for you_.

He reaches in the back of the closet, tucks his hand under the spare bedsheets and finds a monogrammed box of tea. Honestly he had been saving it for Christmas but this is possibly more important.

When he hands the box to Louis he starts crying and Niall counts _five_.

 

Louis' lost his job at Boots and he's just started going back to school to become a teacher. Niall swears it's fine, his job at the bank is stable and he's bringing in enough to pay rent and groceries with some left over for Louis' school, but.

Louis is independent and refuses to rely on anyone– wouldn't let Niall pick up his half of the rent or any of his tuition or even the heating bill. He's stupid and hard-headed and protected.

Which is why Louis is furious when he finds out that Niall has been paying in full for the electricity and the water and the food. It's not a big deal– Niall can afford it and Louis is still trying to find a new job, so the bills had completely slipped his mind and Niall picked them up.

It takes Niall five and half days to persuade Louis to come sleep in their bed again, and Niall counts _four_.

 

Louis starts taking classes every night at LCC and he finds a part-time at the Unicorn Theatre down the road. He's exhausted more often than not, and one day he accidentally mixes colours in the wash and his work uniform comes out pink.

It's different than every other fight because Louis doesn't draw in and shut down and he doesn't lash out, he just breaks.

He's sobbing on the kitchen floor into his stained polo and his cries only increase when Niall walks out of the laundry room with a bottle of bleach.

Niall tries to reach out but every time he comes close enough to touch Louis he curls in on himself and shakes harder.

Niall calls all of Louis' professors and asks for the homework assignments. He calls Louis in sick for the rest of the week at the theatre and then slides down a wall and watches Louis until he looks up with red-rimmed eyes and Niall counts _three_

 

All Niall can hear is Louis' voice and blood rushing past his ears. He hears the words clearly though, and he almost wishes he couldn't, can hear the _maybe this isn't working, I don't think we're at the same stage in our lives. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up._

Niall cries for the first time throughout all of this and flinches away when he feels Louis put his hand on Niall's shoulder. He covers his face and walks into the shower, locks the door behind him, which is a first as well. Niall scrubs the soap into his face, into his eyes, and counts _two_.

 

Niall throws his clothes into a bag that he thinks might be Louis'. He can hear Louis' racking sobs in the other room and squeezes his eyes shut every time he can't remember who's jumper is whom's.

He knows the white duvet on the bed is his, but leaves it because he ripped Louis' old maroon one. The memory makes him bite his lip and breathe in deeply, Louis on top of him and in him and around him with cheeks stained pink and raw lips and Niall's hand fisted into the comforter so tightly it had torn.

He zips the bag and walks out of the bedroom slowly. Maybe he'll have a friend come and rescue the rest of his stuff. Maybe he won't; a selfish part of him wants Louis to remember him for years and years because he's unable to flush Niall completely out of the flat– always finding an old toothbrush or a hidden box of Tetley tea.

Niall drops his set of keys in the bowl by the door and it clangs loudly. He can see Louis cringing on the couch and he unlocks the door and counts _one_.

"Stay," Louis calls and Niall shudders wholesomely and collapses on the floor.

He is relieved, so relieved– and a little disappointed.

**Author's Note:**

> first angsty piece? feedback is always greatly appreciated.  
> you can find me on tumblr at sinabit


End file.
